Everyone seems to be propelling forward but me…


When I turned 25 in January of 2016, I had hoped to be in my dream career with a fine husband by my side. However, my life didn’t quite look like that. I was working at a mundane, mediocre job, unhappy with my pay and single as a dollar! All around me and on social media it felt like everyone had in someway moved on to the next phase of life, great career, engaged or married, starting families, traveling the world, etc. I mean, I’ve done some traveling over the years but not world travels, and the rest just weren’t even in my sights.

I began to look at my life and think, what a disappointment. All the years of college, all the failed relationships, all the hard-work, all the sacrifices and the amount of obedience I’d submitted to God. How could he not have known my heart, my prayers? Or so I thought. It was frustrating and I began letting my emotions control my thoughts. I began to doubt God, and had even considered that he’d probably forgotten about me because of all my wrongdoings over the years. That was my flesh speaking. When we become saved and we truly repent for our sins, they’re forgotten. God no longer lingers on past sins, nor is there condemnation in Christ. When shame and regret begin to creep in, it’s not of God. He may convict us but never shame us. It’s a ploy of the enemy to make you question God and even worse, turn from His Word altogether. 

As I began to ponder a little bit more on my life and the thought of where I was, God began to reveal things to me. God does not work on our timing nor does he work in our realm of understanding. You see, had I been in my Word a little more, I would’ve known to, “Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:24‬
We cannot compare our lives to that of others. Your journey is not theirs and your testimony is not theirs. Be happy with your portion! Know that the race set before you is yours alone, which is why you cannot relish in and envy another’s accomplished life phases! The Bible tells us, “…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1‬

Stop holding onto where you think your life should be. Quite honestly, it’s exactly where God knew you’d be. When he’s planning a great blessing for you, it takes great preparation! “But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” ‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭2:9‬

Are you letting Him prepare you? Is your heart positioned correctly? Do you want what you see just because you think everyone else has it? I myself had to realize that photographs on social media are literally captured moments in time. Majority of people only put what they want you to see; their best!! 

Coming to an end in 2016 I’ve learned so much and the Lord has truly imparted into some amazing things in me, which I’m sure he plans to continue in 2017. Although, I’m currently working part-time and on the verge of 26, I remain confident in knowing that God has my future in his hands. In the times I feel like I’m stagnant, discouraged and unfruitful in my harvest, I remember what the Lord has declared, “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬

Trust that if it’s not okay, the Lord is not yet done! He preparing to create rivers in your wilderness ladies! Don’t get caught up in the future so much that you miss what he’s trying to do now! Wouldn’t it be a shame to miss God in this season because you were so caught up and didn’t stop for a moment to realize him? Don’t be those people in Luke chapter 24. Be open to Him and keep your faith no matter what it looks like. We walk by faith and not by sight. Rest assured in that!!

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Are you the Sidechick?

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Let’s be honest, most people won’t admit to being a side anything out of fear of embarrassment or shame. Nonetheless, a topic that should be addressed. This past year has provided me significant enlightenment on the ideology that being less than respected was “worth it” all for the sake of affection, “love”, intimacy and the thought of having someone. Social media has given rise to the “sidechick” and an added boost of confidence like never before. Sadly, women seem to be proud of their supposed “accomplishment.”

I’ll be the first to admit that although I’m not proud of it, I was once a side chick (timeframe: college), so by no means am I judging. My pseudo relationship lasted almost a year and during my reign as the “sidechick,” my confidence was on another level, or so I thought. In my twisted reality, I felt that I was the better choice because if he had truly cared about her, he wouldn’t be with me too. The negative and manipulative jezebel spirit in me thrived off of secrecy, lust and greed.

In hindsight, it’s actually ridiculous to think that he would one day leave her to be with me. Even crazier to think he would have found someone to replace my “sidechick” position. My self-esteem was so low that even while being with him I felt empty, and when he’d leave I felt lonelier. I’d see him for two days then he’d be gone again for weeks at a time. Still, I wanted him. A few months before I called the relationship off, I committed myself to the Lord again and got saved for real. I began slowly separating myself from him and he’d call to come over, which I’d then tell him I was with my church family.

I joined a young adults ministry that was truly life altering. We began having discussions about the importance of honoring God with our bodies and most importantly finding our value in Christ alone. I began to realize that I didn’t see value in myself, I didn’t respect myself and my shame kept me from admitting it. I opened up about it and my pastor encouraged me that there was no condemnation in Christ. Eventually, I ended things when I could no longer live a lie. Why choose to be second, third or who knows, when I could be someone’s number one.

As a woman of God you have to know your worth. Don’t let your past define you, regardless of what people may say about you! Strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Trust when I say that if you are a good woman and your character and life can attest to that, God will deliver on his promise of a good man. Everybody has a past and just because yours doesn’t look like someone else’s doesn’t make you any less worthy of a good man.

Another thing ladies, stop looking for a man! “He who finds a [true] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 AMP– HE, not she that’s looking for a man.

I’m currently on a journey set before me by the Lord. He’s preparing me in HIS timing to be a wife to the RIGHT man. I’m practicing celibacy and no it’s not impossible. I think people make sex more than what it is. I’m okay with a man not wanting to be with me because I choose not to have sex with him. A real and true man of God will desire to respect you and wait until marriage. You weren’t made to be a sidechick. You were made to be a helpmate. All in all, I’m praying for my ladies. Know your worth!!

Who Knew?

I know you’re wondering what exactly the title of this post means, but it emphasizes my thoughts on actually starting this blog. I’ve gone back and forth with myself a plethora of times trying to figure out exactly what God is trying to do in this season of my life, and how He plans to use me. Although, I am a writer, a blog was never on my mind. I know so many other women of God that have blogs and websites and I wondered, what value add could I bring. Well, the truth is, I’m just a twenty-something year old trying to figure it out. However, life experiences such as trials, triumphs, and testimonies have all assisted in bringing me to this moment. I hope my blog evokes all the emotions of happiness, love, hope and courageousness. As I write these blogs know that some of these things are current realities that I face. It’s therapeutic. It also gives me a sense of hope and strengths my faith.

I also want to dedicate my blog and this post to my really good friend Brandi. She’s such an amazing person and she really encouraged me to use the season that God has me in. After one of our many conversations, I really pondered on what I could possibly do to make an impact on young women; The Crowned Destinee was birthed. Thanks Brandi for being a TRUE friend and I love you.

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