Let’s be honest, most people won’t admit to being a side anything out of fear of embarrassment or shame. Nonetheless, a topic that should be addressed. This past year has provided me significant enlightenment on the ideology that being less than respected was “worth it” all for the sake of affection, “love”, intimacy and the thought of having someone. Social media has given rise to the “sidechick” and an added boost of confidence like never before. Sadly, women seem to be proud of their supposed “accomplishment.”
I’ll be the first to admit that although I’m not proud of it, I was once a side chick (timeframe: college), so by no means am I judging. My pseudo relationship lasted almost a year and during my reign as the “sidechick,” my confidence was on another level, or so I thought. In my twisted reality, I felt that I was the better choice because if he had truly cared about her, he wouldn’t be with me too. The negative and manipulative jezebel spirit in me thrived off of secrecy, lust and greed.
In hindsight, it’s actually ridiculous to think that he would one day leave her to be with me. Even crazier to think he would have found someone to replace my “sidechick” position. My self-esteem was so low that even while being with him I felt empty, and when he’d leave I felt lonelier. I’d see him for two days then he’d be gone again for weeks at a time. Still, I wanted him. A few months before I called the relationship off, I committed myself to the Lord again and got saved for real. I began slowly separating myself from him and he’d call to come over, which I’d then tell him I was with my church family.
I joined a young adults ministry that was truly life altering. We began having discussions about the importance of honoring God with our bodies and most importantly finding our value in Christ alone. I began to realize that I didn’t see value in myself, I didn’t respect myself and my shame kept me from admitting it. I opened up about it and my pastor encouraged me that there was no condemnation in Christ. Eventually, I ended things when I could no longer live a lie. Why choose to be second, third or who knows, when I could be someone’s number one.
As a woman of God you have to know your worth. Don’t let your past define you, regardless of what people may say about you! Strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Trust when I say that if you are a good woman and your character and life can attest to that, God will deliver on his promise of a good man. Everybody has a past and just because yours doesn’t look like someone else’s doesn’t make you any less worthy of a good man.
Another thing ladies, stop looking for a man! “He who finds a [true] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 AMP– HE, not she that’s looking for a man.
I’m currently on a journey set before me by the Lord. He’s preparing me in HIS timing to be a wife to the RIGHT man. I’m practicing celibacy and no it’s not impossible. I think people make sex more than what it is. I’m okay with a man not wanting to be with me because I choose not to have sex with him. A real and true man of God will desire to respect you and wait until marriage. You weren’t made to be a sidechick. You were made to be a helpmate. All in all, I’m praying for my ladies. Know your worth!!