For the past week, I’ve been in Chicago, IL on vacation, pictures will be uploaded soon, and my Uber driver from my hotel to O’hare Airport was a super nice guy named Elrick. During my hour ride with Elrick we really connected. I was able to impart much of my relationship (man and woman) expertise into his life as he expressed several issues that he and his girlfriend have been experiencing.
However, as I was doing so, it struck me. How many of us have found ourselves unwilling to walk away from a relationship because of the time we’ve invested, the thought of not finding anyone better or just plain ole, “I’m in love, so I don’t want to leave him even though he person doesn’t treat me good”? Now my blog by no means is meant to give relationship advice, but I do realize that some of us may be in a relationship and/or desiring a relationship and this blog post may resonate with you the most.
Relationships are a two way street. They have the ability to enhance or devalue you. In my pursuit of a Christ-like mindset, one thing has to be at the forefront of all relationships, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
Now this sets the precedent for any relationship that I find myself entering into. I cannot see a future with a man that is a non-believer. Why, because I am rooted in my faith, which is true according to the Word of God. Additionally, one’s faith or lack thereof often lays the foundational groundwork for their morals, beliefs and processes in handling certain situations. I personally want to know that God is at the front of their life.
Now, if you’ve read my other blogs then you know that I’m not a virgin. However, practicing celibacy is an important part of my onward journey in Christ. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;” I Thessalonians 4:3-5
Your body is a temple and should be treated as so! Don’t allow any man to make you feel otherwise and influence you to defile your body. A man that doesn’t respect you and/or your willingness to abstain from sex until marriage just isn’t courting or marriage material. People in today’s society often regurgitate the idea that a person cannot go for an extended period of time without sex, specifically men. Well, this is a lie from the pits of hell. It’s nothing but a spirit and a lack of self-discipline! Of course when you’re constantly in tempting situations it can be difficult, but that’s why we have to use our earnest discernment, exercised through the Holy Spirit. “But solid food is for full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law.” Hebrews 5:14
You KNOW when you shouldn’t be doing something. If you’re seeking to truly live for Christ, being in a predicament that can lead to sexual immorality, you’ll quickly look for a way out. I will not say that a man who’s desired and tried to have sex with you isn’t the one or doesn’t care about you, but your expectations should be made very clear from the beginning. If you make this clear to him and he persist in trying to have sex, he probably doesn’t care about you! He should be let go of! You can’t afford to be setback in your walk with Christ. There are consequences for those actions. I know firsthand. I’ve been celibate and living for Christ then I got caught up and regretted it, because I know what is pleasing and acceptable unto God.
Love, such a beautiful thing. When we truly understand what love is and who love is, I think that makes it easier for us to love others. Love for others does not and should not come with conditions. Has God loved you under condition? No, because if so, there is nothing about any of us that would warrant His love. When in a relationship we should keep this in mind. There are days you won’t necessarily like the person you’re with, but that should not affect the love and willingness to put in the effort. Relationships require serious work! 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Keep these things in mind when entering into a courtship. Don’t be in a relationship that’s unequally yoked, sustain from sex and love unconditionally. Relationships can be a beautiful thing. However, the wrong relationship can also be detrimental. Today, don’t be so caught up in a relationship that you lose sight of God. If the guy that you’re with doesn’t push you further to Christ, He’s probably not the one for you.
For my single ladies, sometimes it’s easier said than done but don’t be overcome by thoughts of getting old or even the lie that you’re not worthy of a good man. Realize that God’s timing is perfect. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my desire for a husband should never outweigh my desire for God. Furthermore, just because those all around me seem to be getting married or dating the guy of their dreams, that’s just not my story right now. I should be happy where God has me. Rushing into a relationship can cause it to fall apart just as fast.
Be blessed today on Valentine’s Day and know that I love you all and so does God.